After listening to pretty nothing but melodic death metal for almost a year, I decided it might be time for a break in the monotony. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against most melodeath bands (the ones that matter, anyways…), but a little variety can’t hurt. Power metal seemed like the next place to go (I already listen to Stratovarius and Wintersun regularly), so I checked out three generic power metal bands: HammerFall (from Sweden), Primal Fear (from Germany), and Sonata Arctica (from Finland). Yes, all of them are foreign. When I think of US power, I always think of Manowar, who are too cheesy for me and then some. Compared to Europower, they’re a stuffed crust pizza with three orders of extra cheese and a side of idiocy.

Anyways, all three bands made it into my library. HammerFall’s still a bit on the cheesy side (they have a song called “The Dragon Lies Bleeding”, just as one example) and Primal Fear was a bit too slow for me (“Evil Spell”, however, is an awesome song!). Sonata Arctica, on the other hand, really struck a chord (several powerchords, actually, complete with some nice keyboard leads) with me. It must be something about Finland, because they sound like Stratovarius (minus some of the drama) and Wintersun (minus the screamie-meemees)- both Finnish bands. They might not have Timo Tolkki or Jari Maenpaa, but their solos are still top-notch (not that I’d expect anything less- this is, after all, power metal).

That’s the good news. Now for the bad news, and it’s not even SA’s fault unless you blame them for not appealing to whiny emo kids.

I watched this video. The song was one of the best by them that I’ve heard so far, but in the comments (welcome to YouTube, population several million complete idiots plus you and a few other sane people), I saw this comment, a comment on a level of idiocy that it shined out like a golden shower on a heap of dung:

cm276288 (1 hour ago) Show Hide

0

Marked as spam

Reply | Spam

for all you people saying sonata arctica is better then linkin park should know that ‘what ive done’ has more views thn any other rock song. linkin park is way better thn these guys. people actually listen to linkin park, this crap puts blood in yr ears
ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ LInkin park¸„ø¤º°¨copy and paste
¸„ø¤º°¨ ROCKS!!! !“°º¤ø„¸if u think
¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø LP ROCKS!!

Excuse me? What in the hell?

More specifically, what’s this about “this crap puts blood in yr ears”? If you mean (and this might not be true, since Linkin Park fans seem to have an aversion to proper grammar) that it makes your ears bleed, try listening to your own mallcore garbage.

So now having more views means that you’re better? Puh-lease. In that case, Rick Astley would be the best musician in existence. And if he was, RickRolls would lose their meaning, and less people would watch them. And his view count would go down. See? Not at all true. This catch-22 is one of many; would that mean that, for instance, the Jonas Brothers are technical? That Mick Thompson from Slipknot is a better guitarist than Per Nilsson from Scar Symmetry? That Linkin Park is somehow better than Sonata Arctica?

POPULARITY MEANS NOTHING.

Let’s see…

Vocals:

-Sonata Arctica: A singer that sings equally well over his whole range, and puts emotion into his vocals.

-Linkin Park: Screaming your lungs out does not equal emotion. Take lessons.

Guitars:

-Sonata Arctica: EPIC solos. Enough said.

-Linkin Park: Bland power-chord work with few to no solos.

Keyboards:

-Sonata Arctica: The keys carry the leads and add atmosphere. Plus, that guy’s keytar is badass.

-Linkin Park: Sounds like a cheap Casio.

Lyrics:

-Sonata Arctica:

Mother always said “my son, do the noble thing…”
You have to finish what you started, no matter what,
Now, sit, watch and learn…
“It’s not how long you live, but what your morals say”
Cannot keep your part of the deal
So don’t say a word… don’t say a word

-Linkin Park:

You try to take the best of me… Go away

You try to take the best of me… Go away

You try to take the best of me… Go away

You try to take the best of me… Go awaaaay!

You try to take the best of me… Go away!

You try to take the best of me… Go away!

You try to take the best of me… Go away!

You try to take the best of me… Go away!!!!!11111

Hm.

Linkin Park fanboys, go back to your OMGHEVY!!1!11, over-promoted, under-developed excuse for metal and leave the real archmusicians in bands like Sonata Arctica alone. I’m serious. Or I will “put blood in yr ears” using Cryptopsy’s new (nu?) album. THAT will make your ears bleed.